Seams

Seams present in various areas and aspects of life as we know it. From the seams of family ties, to friendship, seams of personal segmentation of our lives, seams of sanity and various other seams that we may pick… but one thing to note is what kinds of seams you pick…Seams are around to tie in things together not only for physical items like jeans and furniture but also in each and every part of our lives. Be it our interaction with others, and various other aspects.

Pick the wrong seam and things will come loose…it may not seem like much at first just a slight flare but if you tug at it long enough things will fall apart…And I guess many of us unknowingly pick on these seams for example the seams that hold us together…we always play on the idea that we do not need people around, we do not need help we are strong enough and capable enough to handle situations or problems but it is exactly these people and support that are the seams to hold us together and we by turning down these acts of charity or so to say is an act of picking of these threads…or maybe by pushing away our freedom and relaxation we are also picking on other seams that hold our lives together…Maybe by arguing and not giving in to siblings, lovers, friends, colleagues we are picking the seams of these relationships or maybe by just not helping out once may add to the picking of the seams of that friendship…maybe insisting things may also be picking on those strings…

I guess what I am trying to say is that we should not make the wrong decisions, be it in personal lives or in relationships there will be things that will bug us but we must learn to put ourselves aside and put others first…and we should also learn to know how to rely on others and not over load ourselves with too much…also i think a release of emotions is also a good thing but we must know how to release it in the right way there are times where spur of the moment emotions causes us to do weird and irrational things that we may regret later on so keep a clear mind when u feel like u are going to do something that if in the right state of mind you will regret…so things that will distract you from doing unsound things and yet help to release the emotions in you…

Haiz no good, no good, no good at all… Dunno feel unwanted, uneeded, useless and well just lost be it in church, personal life, camp…everything…I dunno no mood… The suicide and murder tendencies are coming back to me not good, not good at all… I think the only thing that is keeping me going is the fact that I am planning outings for frens.

I seemed to have lost the joy in my life, starting to have a pessimistic view in life and no enthusiasm for anything just doing things cuz I need to do it not because I want to do it well hope things will get better…

MIA

Ok my blog has been quiet for a long time mainly cuz i hv been lazy to blog or tt i juz fall a slp b4 i get to blog well been kinda bz with stuff frm camp work and duties that has beena drag to the farewells, b’days and weddings to prepare some of these events have past some has yet to come and well I see the bonding between church members still going strong and i can see various groups of people forming although it sounds as if it is a divided crowd but we are one and united in mind we have a common goal and well besides that the different groups are there to meet the needs of their specific group and with the older ones to guide them. In camp been busy as usual and well good news I am a LCP come monday but well it does not mean much to me but well if my camp ppl want me to treat them sure but next month maybe this month i hv my outings planned frm this friday to the 28th with my drama peeps.

I dunno I have constantly been planning outings for various groups of ppl and if u ask me why I am doing this well 1 simple ans I want to keep the bonds of these various groups of ppl close although we are apart and this once a month meet up will give us a chance to catch up and to let loose and just be ourselves with no restrictions and limitations. Well I dunno if I m being too pushy for this but well no one has complained so far…

Hope I will continue to be diligent in bloggin I do want to do it but need to be more disciplined. Oh and on a side note bon voyage to Marcus Lim and will hope to hear from you soon.

Release and Refresh

I’m finally out of camp after 7 days of staying in…It is not bad but well not good as well got to know more people have various kinds of experiences and well have differenet kinds of feelings that I may not have felt. But well one thing I lacked is reading and my prayer time and I have not been able to edify a person for the whole week. I think that I want to put my mind to it but through the week I will forget and my human nature will take over. It is not easy to control our behaviour to others. We may want to do good but when we are in the whirl of our daily lives, we tend to forget. Well I will try my best to do it in the coming week. And well I will also try to fast dinner this coming week from the 31st to 4th in preparation for my church camp. I want to get my life straighten up with God to prepare for Him to speak during camp. Looking forward to church camp and to tmr’s youth retreat I think I do need to get my mind back on track have been too influence by the daily living in the world and well these 7 days in camp has not helped to lessen the influence.

Well a new verse for me to consider… James 1:2-4 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations. Knowing, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. I think that this verse has great meaning to me this past week as I reflect and think back on what I have gone through. Thank God for duty!

Drifting

I suddenly feel a great sense of detachment in all the places I am in. As though I am there but not there. I can talk to people and still feel that they do not care and find me an extra person in the group. I think some times it is good to live as a separate entity. But it may be just me thinking too deep into the situation and into other people’s mindsets. But well I can’t shake this feeling that I am not wanted anymore. Maybe I have been too much of an irritation so much so that they cannot stand me anymore.

I feel taht I am just drifting around without any purpose without any belonging.I know that I do belong to the large community but I do feel that sometimes I do not belong to the smaller groups that I am in…am I being too pessimistic? or thinking too much? I wonder if there is a chance that this is true well like I’ll ever know…

Like yesterday in the cohesion I was mostly walking alone and not relating to others until lunch and now I am sitting a side on the train, in my outing groups I do sometimes feel left out but well I guess it is all part of life…the feeling is at least. but I know for sure god has not allowed for me to be isolated but instead He would want me to immerse in with the people I am in contact with but it is hard for me being quiet and all yea but well I guess I will try…

Tangible Sound

Am just watching this video series touch the sound and it is interesting what sound is to a person who is going deaf. Sound is more than just an audible thing, as some sound enthusiasts or sound engineers or musicans would know that sound is a pretty tangible thing, from the vibrations of the speakers to the effects of the subwoofer to even the overall feel of live source sound versus projected sound, all these play a part in our overall experience of listening. When you play an instrument, you knwo your instrument, you know the feel of it and how it vibrates to create the various pitches like a vocalist, you can feel where the sound is being projected from, be it diaphramatic, chest, throat, nasal or head we know where our sounds are coming from and we can feel the difference when we produce different pitches and sounds. Beautiful and wonderful is the creation and experince of sound.

In the same way we must be able to listen no only to the audible voice of God but also the experiencial part when God speaks there is a quality to it much like there is a quality to a middle C and a high A both are different and we can tell it apart but we need to get to a level where we can feel the difference and not only hear the difference so we must know how to differenciate God’s voice and other voices around us. For me I want to be on a journey to feel the difference between sounds, be it in terms of pitch or in terms of instrumentations there will be adifference just put your hand on the wall when an instrument is being plaed and feel it. And in the same way I want to tune my spiritual senses to God, I know that I have not heard God’s voice as in an audible voicebtu I have sense His presence through situations, people and feelings but these usually occur to me that He was speaking after the event and I reflect about the happenings before. But I want to know when God is speaking not after He speas but when He is is speaking…Lord open my ears and spiritual senses of touch and hearing and sight that I would be able to know Your directions for me when You are showing it to me. I know this will be a long journey of growth but do hold my hand Lord God and lead meeach and every step of the way…

Thanks

Was just doing abit of thinking while on the journey to and from camp and from reading blogs, I found that my camp has a lot of Christians and I am thankful about that and well I dunno but also feel sad that people would choose to compromise and lead an alternate lifestyle giving in to the carnal desires…be it in terms or words, actions and attitudes, I feel sad talking to some brothers in camp where they say they never speak vulgarities and all these outside only in camp do they do it…why is there a need for the seperate lifestyle? We are Christians and we are called to be salt and light wherever we are not only as a show to others and unleashing the evil or bad side of us at a certain place…but I think we should live out our lives the same no matter where we are…

I like how this song puts it living our lives with God in control that way even if we do not go the right way He will guide ou back to path, and as Elaine shared last week God the holy spirit would guide us adn we must also listen to the voice of God to lead our lives so yea always keep God in the centre of our lives I did toy with the idea that since this is a new place and people do not know me I can live as I please but well thank God that He guided me and I did not compromise.

But well this post is entitled thanks and well I wanna give thanks that my leave for church camp is approved and I have one think off my mind to worry about in my year’s planning. And wel at the same time I thank God for the various experiences I have even in my short time in army. Some things that people may nit even experince till 1 year in service or maybe never at all…I mean I also thank God for my psting to PAD and DCC that I could get to experience so many things I must say that it i a tiring post more so than some of the other peers from my batch but well I find it fulfilling no point looking at army as a waste of time, why not just learn something from it I did learn somethign last week and well from army I am getting my ‘C’ back which I have seemed to have slacked and adopted more of my ‘S’ but well my ‘D’ is coming up as well so yea army is growing me and well if I do take time to think I have matured a little at least. And well I have good bonds with the friends in my batch of SAs and well I hope it continues even after we ORD…good friends are hard to come by and well I believe we must cherish it. Maybe thats why the brothers always think about what will happen if we all get girl friends and stuff will we still have our meet ups? Who knows maybe maybe not but the bonds we have as brothers will stay I guess, be it dependability or trust thes bonds are hard to break…

From The Past To The Present

Hmm, have been thinking back to the past when i was sec 1 i missed the times we had where we led worship and sang passionately without a care and a doubt. I remember the overnight prayers and ministry and overnight worship sessions and prayer walks. And how eargerly we yearned to have extended worship on the last night of camps and to have practices and bible study…I miss those times but I know that form that time till now I have grown more mature in Christ and I thank God for that. But at the same time I feel sad thinking back at all the sisters and brothers that has strayed from the faith, good friends that shared the spark of God now drifted far from the faith going into a secular lifestlye and persuing the things that please the flesh rather than the things that please the spirit. Leading their own lives instead of having Christ in the centre, be it in arts, school or sports or friends they have left be it vecause of the changing and leaving of certain people in church that sparked their fall like the leaving of mentors because of family or people being called to other ministries all these may be causes but I pray that God’s grace will bring them back to the faith. I do not ask that they return to church but that they return to having God at the throne of their hearts. That’s why when I do meet them I always ask 1 qn are u in church and well most of the time silence proceeds or a change of topic.

Now in church after reading blogs, looking at situations and listening to people’s conversationsI feel that there is a need of a refreshing in the lives of the church members some are going strong but others may need a fresh touch from God and I do pray that they be refreshed no matter what kind of situation they be facing in their lives, I pray that God will send a fresh wave of His love to wash over them. I guess seeing from the past few years and even the starting quater of this year, we all have been working hard and going through various changes in our lives. This year is a year where alot of us will be going through a new phase in our lives a new page turned, be it in terms of work, studies, family, relationships or life stage we are all being changed and going through some sort of change of stage. But I pray that even through this time, God will not take a back seat in our lives but all the more He should always be the head, leading our evey path especially since this new path is unknown to us ma He guide and lead us every step of the way. A word of encouragement from my brothers and sisters that may be reading this, Jesuspromised in the great commission that as we do His work, He WILL always be with us holding our hands.

I know of various people going through struggles in this time be it family, personal, relationships, decisions, or pathways and wellI belive that the time will pass over but for how long I do not know and to what extent will the hurt be I do not know but one thing I know persevere in Him and you WILL emerge victorious, and you will grow one way or another. As The Bible says in James 1: 1-4 that as we face trials and struggles and tribulations we should count it all joy. And I do pray for my brothers and sisters who are struggling that God will give them the strength that they need to go through this period.

Deja Vu?

Yesterday while in camp I was standing at the training shed and when i looked around I realized that I had seen this scene before somewhere long ago like in a dream or something…deja vu? maybe that is a good way to put it but I dunno if it is true but view it as God giving me a vision an insight to my life. I’ve seen His hand guiding me and protecting me from the start of this phase of army. He has placed me in places which are not over exerting, He has granted me favor with my superiors not that I get special treatment but I am not tekanned or whatever. I am placed with a group of people whi are relatable and friendly. I have time to spend reflecting and worshipping in camp and all these is thanks to God’s provision. Anyway back to the topic of deja vu…I guess it is God’s perfect timing I mean He knows all things and at times He may just reveal things to us that He wants us to knwo for this incident I do not know what I am supposed to learn from it but well I pray that God will show me what He wanted me to learn from that. I remember the last time I had a deja vu it was about an accident where I fell off which blading down a slope and well the next day the exact same ting happened. Well God has a way of speaking to His people and dreams, revelations and visions are all a way He can do it. And to think I have been complaining that I cannot hear God well it is the subtle times where He speaks and we are ignorant or maybe it is not something we know what to expect but well God can choose to show us the future, the past or the present whenever He pleases and we must learn from these showings be it from the Bible, or visions or friends or family all these ways that God teaches us and guides us we must not take for granted and when we realioze how much God is concerned for us and how He holds our hands or even carries u up at times through our journey in life is simply amazing and all we needed to do is reach out to Him and repent of our sins and accept Him as Lord. What a wonderful God I serve!!!

I think this songs should speak for all believers I know that this is an old hymn with a new twist but the lyrics are meaningful in this walk we go on with Jesus leading the way.